Posted by: HAT | March 14, 2014

Not Quite a Resolution

Tulipa multiflora

The tulip, a spring-blooming bulb, has given its name as an acronym to a set of doctrinal assertions associated with the Reformed (‘Calvinist’) tradition – the ‘i’ stands for ‘irresistible grace’

Hi, Gang!

Every so often, I come here and look around. It is like the back corner of my closet, that I think in a desultory way I ought to clean out one of these days. Or the garage, or the storage locker. [Yes, we have one of those. … Yes, I am ashamed.]

I don’t care enough. Or else I care too much, but in the wrong way.

[Can you say more about what you mean by “wrong”? Yes, I can. Initially, it seems like what I call “caring” about things – noticing everything that is missing, wrong, or behind about myself and my projects – is self-lacerating and unproductive. It focuses on my personal bleep-ups, why I can’t be more like “other people” – you know, successful ones – and “what my problem is.” But then, upon reflection, I can see how that approach is ultimately self-absolving. Since I’m so inadequate, surely no one could expect me to do any better than I’m already doing. In fact, I’m actually already doing considerably better than “people” have any good reason to expect.]

And yet … I really do believe that doing things differently is always an option. Always. I wrote a whole dissertation on utopian subjectivity, not coincidentally.

That applies to me, too.


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